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The Key to creating real and lasting friendships is honestly caring about the other person.  Friends don’t care about you because of how great you are.  They care about you because of how you make them feel. 

Everyone likes to talk about themselves. They like to discuss their interests, talents, family, and feelings.  If you allow them to do this and you express sincere interest you will have the beginning of a friendship.

This does not mean fake interest.  Sincerity is of utmost importance.  If you are insincere others will know it, and they will resent you for it. 

Let’s say that you want to become friends with a guy who you know is passionate about monster trucks.  If you say “I love monster trucks” but know nothing about them you show yourself as a fraud. He will resent you for this, passing you off as a fool and a liar.

A better way to handle this situation would be to say “I’d like to know more about monster trucks, what can you tell me?”  This will give him the opportunity to share what he knows, and discuss his passion.      

You may be wondering what to do if you have no knowledge of a person’s interests and you want to get to know them.  Do you remember the beginning of this article where we said “Everyone likes to talk about themselves”, I’d say start there.  Some great conversation starters are; “How are you today?”, “Did you like the presentation?”, “What do you think about __________?”,  “Are you going to the _________?”

Friendship is a give and take venture.  We do not keep friends by being obsessed with ourselves.  Instead we get to know that person and allow them to get to know us.  We will not get enjoyment out of a friendship that is one sided. 

Once a friendship is established you can start finding mutual interests.  When you allow someone to talk about their own interests long enough they will eventually hit upon a common interest you share.  This is when connection starts.  Now, you can start telling him about what you think about this common interest.

Remember that when you choose to focus on their interests you will always have plenty of time to discuss yours.  Everybody’s favorite subject is “I”, but eventually “I” gets lonely.  When we feel cared about and understood, we want to reach out and feel connected.  This is why you never have to worry about talking about yourself because, when they are ready they will ask.

There is no time line for when the other person will be ready to listen to you.  It depends totally on their feelings at the time and their current level of self esteem.  A person who has had a rough day may talk about themselves for much longer period.  This is because they emotionally need to.  By listening patiently, you do them an invaluable service.

I have often had people show sincere appreciation for caring about and listening to them.  Some of these same people have became my greatest mentors, and best friends.  I know that if I have a problem, these people will be there for me.  That is what friendship is all about.